Holiday Shopping Time!
Let's get through the madness together, as friends
You may have seen commentary from the literary corners of the social media universe that independent bookstores make a large percentage of their profits for the year during the months of November and December. This is true. Our humble little store depends on holiday sales to keep our lights on, to keep YOU in new copies of Citizen by Bill Clinton, and to keep me on payroll so I can use my decade plus of improv experience to roleplay being a difficult customer to our new hires. This, of course, is my favorite part of the holiday season: pretending to be the individual who threatened to urinate on our carpet if I didn’t let them use our employee toilet (true story), being rude in a general way, asking for long out-of-print books and then acting like they’re still in print and its the bookseller who is merely incompetent. Mostly fun for me, I guess, but hopefully the experience is helpful to the new bookseller when a member of the community decides they’ve earned the right to free merchandise due to a story that exists only in their head.
I actually love the store during the holidays. Mental health being what it is, being inundated with duty and demand keeps my brain from going to all the dark places and I appreciate that. I dig adrenaline. The store on Black Friday is like being in a pinball machine! There are, of course, parts that are exhausting, but again, adrenaline! If you are reading this thinking to yourself, HOW CAN I HELP YOU, GLORIFIED RETAIL WORKER WHO READS A LOT, GET THROUGH THE TUMULT OF THE HOLIDAY SEASON, well, HO HO HO, here we go, here are some thoughts:
KEEP THE A WORD OUT OF THY MOUTH. You are a member of the choir to which I preach and you know this, but nothing chaps my hide more than someone coming in and mentioning that books are cheaper at the A place. Or by asking if we can price match with A. You want your cake (cheap books) and to eat it too (feeling good about yourself for supporting small business), but to that, I say FIE, and also, HARK! THE DOOR! It’s hard for me to believe that, in 2024, saying you’ll just order a book we don’t have from Amazon isn’t recognized universally as the equivalent of a declaration of war, but that happened yesterday, on Black Friday, in front of my face. Customers, please feel free to order books from A all you want, but don’t come in the store and tell us, or, heaven forbid, steal our service and bookselling expertise and then turn around and buy from them, lest I outfit you in a buckle hat and burlap underwear and put you in the stocks in the town square.
MIND THE TIME: Don’t ask for anything if it’s less than ten minutes from closing. Not a recommendation, not gift wrap, nothing! When we tell you we’re about to close, make haste to the counter or the door. Do not linger! WE WANT TO GO HOME. We’re extra tired this time of year. Unforch, American retail culture being what it is, YOU, REGULAR PERSON, CAN PREVENT A BOOKSELLER FROM GOING HOME ON TIME! What power the customer wields! I bet they don’t do that at the souk! When the spice seller is done selling spices, no spices for you!
COME EARLIER IN THE DAY IF YOU’RE GOING TO WANT LARGE AMOUNT OF GIFT WRAP: Lots of gift wrap takes time and a lot of bookseller mental acuity, so please come earlier in the day when minds are fresh and there are lots of staff working!
SELF-MANAGEMENT IS KEY TO POSITIVE INTERACTIONS: Look, I don’t know if you already have a book, or if you kid already has a book. I don’t know if your friend already bought the new book club book. I occasionally have psychic premonitions about people walking in the door, which can be fun, but again, I don’t know if your kid already has that book. I really don’t know and I get flustered when I feel like you don’t know that I don’t know, because I don’t know. The moral of this story is that patience is at a premium when there’s a line of five people behind you at the counter.
NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO TELL US ABOUT YOUR NEW BOOK: Hey, I respect the hustle, but wait until January. It’s slow in January and you can tell me all about your book then!
DON’T WORRY IF YOUR KID MELTS DOWN IN THE STORE: Don’t be embarrassed. We are LOADED with grace around this. SHIT HAPPENS. It’s cool.
IF YOU PULLED A BOOK AND DON’T KNOW WHERE TO PUT IT BACK, LET US TAKE CARE OF IT. I know you want to help, but this is how books go missing and we lose a sale.
DONATE TO OUR CHARITABLE GIVING PROJECT! DON’T FORGET THE OLDER KIDS! Our store has a lovely program that gets books into the hands of children in transitional housing! You can donate books, cash, or our coupons, and we will deliver the books. I bet your local store has a similar holiday offering. Please donate! Buy the books we have set aside for this purpose! And please consider buying books for older kids—most people go for the little kid books but it would stink to be thirteen years old and receive either a picture book or no book at all. So grab those chapter books, please, and donate.
WEARING A MASK IS COOL: No one really does it anymore, but we have the door closed and the heat on and viruses are very likely bouncing around looking for some moist sinuses to lodge themselves into. I had a gnarly non-covid cold a few weeks ago that did a number on my lungs (which don’t work that great to begin with), so you’ll be seeing me in a mask this time of year. Consider protecting your lungs from viruses, too.
WE ARE HAPPY TO SEE YOU! Although our customer service ability declines slightly due to the circumstances, we do love our customers and love helping them find the perfect gift, and then wrapping it in one of our fine holiday papers that I forgot to photograph before I left work yesterday. We hope you find value in what a small, independent bookstore has to offer, from customer service to being a nice community amenity, to me telling stories about it on this Substack.
Also: we ship nationwide and maybe your local indie bookstore does, too.
Happy Holidays!