The Time I Sold Books at the Texas Republican Convention
"Support Texas business" until someone wants to save $5 by ordering from Amazon
I was reading some old blog posts of mine and found this one, from 2015.
At the time, I worked at BookPeople in Austin. BP would send me out as their “roving bookseller” and once, they sent me out for an entire week to the Austin Convention Center to sit at a table and sell conservative books to Republicans.
I am not a Republican.
Post-script, nine years later: While this was an interesting experience in 2015 and something I could laugh about, I would feel differently about entering a space such as this one now. I do not imagine that I would feel safe in any sense as an outsider in that world. I would not want to be involved in the sale of books that espouse white supremacist ideologies. (If bookseller responsibility to staving off fascism in America is of interest to you, do check out The Art of Libromancy by Josh Cook.) I’d refuse this job now. But I didn’t back when Obama was president. So here’s the story. And the photo I took solely for the purpose of posting on social media.
The bookstore dispatched me to the annual convention of a Texas conservative organization this week to sell books with aggressive one-word titles written by angry men with big hair.
Overall, I meet nice, interesting people wherever the store sends me, and the Texas conservative convention was no exception, but I did note a few social interactions that were a bit off-kilter.
Here’s my favorite:
As I was selling books, a man approached me at the table to let me know he was going to order the books on Amazon.
Knowing how everyone at this shindig was buck wild over Texas tax laws and business growth, I told him that I wished he would buy them from me, since he’d be supporting a local business that keeps jobs and money in Texas. And he said, “I get that, but I want to listen to it on my Kindle,” and explained there was some audio component that he wanted to experience, i.e. the dulcet sounds of Newt Gingrich’s voice soothingly orating on the skidmarks in Obama’s underpants or whatever the fuck that book is about. (I read White Girls by Hilton Als during downtime because Hilton Als is a man that can write a sentence like whoa.)
Amazon Man’s wife appeared at his side and dunked her hand into his jacket pocket, making for her man’s wallet. She wanted to buy a book! And the man was visibly pissed as he tried to tell her he wanted to get it from Amazon. She wasn’t having it, as she wanted a signed copy, and was totally not grokking that his having to capitulate to the help, i.e. me, was emasculating. These men do not appreciate a womansplaining, even when it’s on message. He shot me a dirty look as he turned over his credit card to pay for the books. “Thanks for supporting Texas business!” I said, as he grumped away, touching his dick to make sure it was still attached.
Everyone wants to know if I needed to take a shower after I met the Gingriches, and the answer is no. I listened to Callista talk about her series of children’s books (about a male elephant who tours the white version of American history—no indoctrination there). When I told her about my own book, I’d lost her by the time I got to the part about overweight female scientists deserving love. Mrs. Gingrich will not be buying a copy of Every Anxious Wave when it’s published, although I may make a mental note to send her a copy.
I can’t imagine being happy with her life, and yet I’m curious about it. Forget the whole femme-bot Republican butt puppet who looks at her man like he’s Jesus thing. I can’t imagine that any human imperfections or normal traits are deemed acceptable in her world. Garlic burps, pubic hair, belly fat, armpit stink, crying for no reason, feeling afraid or insecure, eating a whole chocolate bar in one sitting. And she’s in her menopause years—when she hot flashes, does she tell Newt? Does Callista allow herself these imperfect woman things, and does Newt love her when her blemishy bruises show, if they show at all? How do people show vulnerability if they seem to reject vulnerability as weakness? How do you love someone without vulnerability?
The whole time that Newt and Rainbow Rick were having their onstage debate/Texas whack-off sesh (yes, I managed to chew and swallow my hotel Caesar salad throughout and no, I did not stand for the rousing standing ovation that followed), I was texting with my ex-husband, who was concerned for my well-being knowing that I was in the same room as Governor Goodhair (he’s the worst of the hair guys—gosh golly!). I can always count on my ex for moral support when faced with the dogma of the far right.
Some be-suited young Republican asked me if I wanted my photo taken with the Gingriches and I immediately said yes because what a thing to post to social media!
Currently reading: Chicano Frankenstein by Daniel A. Olivas!
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What an apt description of Calista Gingrich. I am fascinated by her hair.